This cracked me up...but I should probably cry because it's all true...
Some words of advice when dealing with IT support..
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
dried flowers, football trophies and children's art. We don't have a
life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of
yours.
2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back error messages
from here by magic.
3. When an I.T. support person says he's coming right over, go for
coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's
nothing for us to remember 300 passwords, whole decks of cards etc.
4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping
you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your
mail because your computer won't power on at all.
6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete
it at once. We're just testing, obviously.
7. When an I.T. support person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right
in and rant. We exist only to serve.
8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
flags it as a rush delivery.
9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. After all,
there's electronics in it.
10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
computer support. We're collectors, and we thank you.
12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T.
support person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description
of the problem. We love a puzzle.
13. When an I.T. support person tells you that computer screens don't
have Postscript cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
14. When an I.T. support person tells you that he'll be there shortly,
reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean
by shortly?" That really motivates us.
15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20
times.Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to
all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly
what you mean by "my thingy blew up".
18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
email upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of
sandwich crumbs in them.
21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes
button as fast as you can. If you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing
it, would you? Of course not.
22. When you find an I.T. support person on the phone to the bank, sit
uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare until the call ends. We
don't need any privacy, it's ok.
23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer shit". We don't mind at all hearing our area of
professional expertise referred to as shit.
24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T.
support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.
25. When you can't find someone in the phone book, call I.T.Support.We
double up as switchboard in our spare time.
26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T.
Support. We love to hack.
27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.
28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a
mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the
queue; we understand.
30. When an I.T. support person gets into the lift pushing $100,000
worth of computer equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice:
"Good grief, you take the lift to go DOWN one floor?!?"
That's another one that cracks us up to no end.
31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company.
People out in the remote offices like to keep abreast of what's going
on.
32. When you bump into an I.T. support person at the supermarket on a
Saturday, ask a computer question. We don't stop thinking about work
just because it's the weekend.
33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own.
Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office,
leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers
somewhere.
35. We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful @#@#s. It
hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing.
