EntropySink
Entertainment & Artistry => Words => Topic started by: Jake on January 11, 2006, 04:20:10 PM
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Truthfully, I don't like this one. I wrote it this summer, but never typed it out. I'm putting it out there though for thoughts. Maybe I'm wrong.
It Hangs Over Me
At night
every time I look up I see
it,
or them, rather, waiting to scoop me up.
Whether drunk or sober they are
always
there forming the same odd shape.
It hangs over me
like a guillotine ready to drop to
chop my head from my self
to look at it roll as it does when I star-
e for hours on end.
It hangs over me
watching me write this poem
guiding my words through the
madness
as they flow and ebb between the edges, the
margins of the blank world.
It hangs over me
whether at home, miles away, or with
you.
Its lights reaching and grabbing
the guts deep with my heart
my soul
my –
It hangs over me
like it did before, back when
I was up high sharing its space and time,
it will be there still, now, and a the
end.
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It's nothing special. You don't characterize the "it" enough. Perhaps if you did characterize it more and didn't list things it watches you do, I'd like this poem.