Author Topic: Call me Ulysses.  (Read 1649 times)

-KEN-

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Call me Ulysses.
« on: July 20, 2006, 01:55:27 AM »
I am a man of constant sorrow and full of irrational anger.

I'm also a drunk. I'm sure Odysseus was a drinking man, I just can't remember.

This is stupid, but last saturday I told the first of my male friends (ever, not counting you guys) that I was gay. It was big. He told me that he was completely fine with it, and that "everyone is different." He seemed so fine with it that it was unreal; he'd even gone so far as to say that it was cool that he had a gay friend.

We hung out every day after (and hell, even before I told him we were hanging out every day), until Tuesday.

Tuesday at 12 is when the school starts taking reservations to go wakeboarding on Lake Wauberg. It's free to UF students, and the times for the week usually fill up in the first 20 minutes.

I'd been telling Moe (the friend I'd told) for almost a week now that I couldn't wait until he goes to Wauberg, and would he please call me. Every time he told me no problem, of course he'd tell me.

So on Tuesday, I call his phone around 3pm to see what his day/time ended up being, and our other friend Zach picks up the phone.

"Hey man, we're at Wauberg, what's up?
"What the fuck? Put moises on the phone."

"Hey, I'm sorry man, I got this time so last minute, I couldn't call you! It's not like I don't call you to do things."

What an awful excuse, a phone call takes 20 seconds. Ah, the magic of technology.

So I told him whatever, call me later.

Cut to oh, 29 hours or so later and he finally calls me to ask me if I'm going out. No, I tell him. I'm not in the mood.

So he tells me I should at least head by the fraternity house to drink some. Why not, I agree because I'd been waiting for him to call me so that I could figure out what the hell his problem was.

I get to the house, he's not there yet, whatever. About 30 minutes later he walks in, raises his drink to me and we cheers. He also doesn't say a single word to me for the rest of the night.

Cut to me driving home, a little angry and bit tipsy, and this cold black wave of horror passes over me. Is that really why he's acting weird? And it hits me, if I can't tell Moe, how the fuck could I ever tell anybody ever again? This is a kid who I love more than my biological brothers most of the time. If he can't fully accept me, who the fuck ever could?

Do you know when the last time I cried was? Try about 4 or 5 years ago when my grandfather died. But tonight I burst into tears somewhere around 2nd Ave and 34th Street.

I eventually dried my eyes by talking to some of my good friends from highschool over the phone, who assured me of various things, not the least of which being that everything would be alright, and to just give him some time. There's a whole new story hidden in that sentence, but it's not pertinent to the story at hand, so I won't go into it--let's just say that I matured a bit tonight.

In any case, I ended up text messaging Moe that we seriously needed to have a talk tomorrow, and after a quick "about what, man?" from him, I told him, about why you've been making me feel like a dick. His text message back: "Are you kidding me? I love you man, chill."

This, of course, precipitates a phone call from him. I mean, you can't blame him for needing clarification.

Over the course of the conversation, he assures me that his trip to the lake really was last minute, and that he was "really fucked up all day," and that's why he didn't talk to me much. Of course, that didn't stop him from talking to other people; weird how that works. In between he managed to pepper in as many "I love you"s as I've heard in my entire life, and acknowledged that he understood why I was a little paranoid, and that he probably would be too, but assured me that it was unfounded. He also mentioned (thank you, Alcohol) that he was really shocked when I told him, which was something that his zealousness to be nice the other day had obscured from my perception.

I'm not sure what to think anymore, but for the time being my emotions have stabilized enough for me to get some sleep. I don't mean to bug you all with the petty trivialities of my life, but Ober was itching for new threads--Drama is as drama does, right?

I guess I'll have to talk to him tomorrow. I would love to believe everything he said, but my intuitions tell me that there's something more to it. I'm sure he'll come around sooner or later, but for now I just need to tell him that I was incredibly hurt for the last two days. To be so hurt by the first guy I've ever opened up entirely to is just incomprehensible. It's like having all of the bones in your body broken at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't have felt the way I did, but that's why I posted this--am I just being oversensitive?

Jake

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2006, 11:41:46 AM »
damn Ken - quite the story. Could it be that your friend is also gay, and has "those" feelings for you?
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

-KEN-

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2006, 11:57:05 AM »
Doubtful, but I suppose stranger things have happened. To be honest, I wouldn't want that; it would cool, and he's a great guy, but he's like a brother to me. We all know how hard it is to stay friends after a relationship.


jkim

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2006, 12:56:01 PM »
It seems like your friends from back home have you covered on assuring you that the situation will work itself out with time, but I'll reiterate.  When someone you think you know very well comes out with a secret about themself, it can be quite a shock.  IF it turns out your friend seriously has a problem now that he knows you're gay, then one of two things will probably happen.  He'll slowly accept or he won't.  If he doesn't then, I would reconsider whether you would want to be friends with him anyway.  But most likely, because it seems like you two are good friends, I think he'll come to terms. 

Hopefully, in this situation you were just a little sensitive to some actions since you put yourself out there, giving away a secret you've had with them.  Whatever happens, realize that this won't happen every time you tell someone.  There will surely be some people who just can't deal with it, but there'll be a lot who are fine.

Hope talking with him helps.

[stealth]

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2006, 06:15:50 PM »
"ulysses".  why not call you "nancy"? :D just kidding mate :) i guess it's going to be harder with people you know because they have a preconceived idea of you as a person.  anything i say is going to be ill-informed, so i can only say that i hope it works out for you.
...

drakkenkorin

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2006, 07:06:25 PM »
give him time - you hit him with something big and he probably isn't sure how to react to it yet.

latter on, you'll know what his decision is.
"I know that when I get home from work, I like to read the paper, sip a nice glass of Cabernet, and call people faggots on the internet.  Because I'm an adult." - Govtcheez

-KEN-

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2006, 08:06:14 PM »
But I'm impatient; I've always been. I need to talk shit out with him soon, because I've been in the worst funk ever with one of my best friends deftly avoiding talking to me.

Oh well. You're all probably right, thanks and I love all of you :-*

edit: After reading that everyone says the same exact thing, my spirits have lifted to their highest since god know how long. I am going to celebrate by killing off a good amount of braincells and forgetting about all of this bullshit!

Cheers!
« Last Edit: July 20, 2006, 08:38:57 PM by -KEN- »

incognito

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2006, 08:59:31 PM »
He's probably shocked, as i probably would. Just give it some time for it to wear off. If he's truly your firend as you says he is, he'll get over it.

ober

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2006, 12:03:02 PM »
Echo DK on this... I'm the same with big news... I need time to process and it's best if I keep my mouth shut in the short term since I normally end up sounding like an ass before I've really thought things through.  My wife has learned this.  She respects it and we get along fine (she's impatient too sometimes).

-KEN-

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2006, 12:11:48 PM »
You all win. We went out last night, had a great time, and when we got back to his place we talked for a good hour or two, where he admitted that he lied at first about being so OK with it in order to save my feelings and give him some time to think about it.

In any case, we're better friends than ever right now and I love it. He even tried to pick someone up for me last night. Which was awful, but hilarious.

Thanks for the support, though. <3

A Bit of Fruit

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2006, 11:44:22 PM »
i swear ethic, you are just like my friend Joel in that you both go on with pointless stories and after youve read or listened to them you laugh but still wished you didnt listen
i have a stationary fetish

Stephen

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2006, 12:25:58 AM »
Ethic = Amazing.

ober

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Re: Call me Ulysses.
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2006, 08:47:51 AM »
Glad to hear it turned out good -Ken-.  :cool2: