Author Topic: Attempted song lyrics...  (Read 2974 times)

Stephen

  • Jackass IV
  • Posts: 426
  • Karma: +23/-3
Attempted song lyrics...
« on: September 11, 2006, 08:31:55 PM »
Some lyrics I'm working on (Trying a different approach this time. Normally I write music and then lyrics. Now I'm doing lyrics first, then write music to them.)

The voice of an angel, a perditious* "amen"
From the mouth of the preacher, from the ink in his pen
A lone body found at the scene of the crime
A paradise lost: a last paradigm

Like his meaningless cries**, he stole away
Took the words that he'd muttered, but failed to pray
For that darkening spectrum of ill-arranged flow'rs
Which grew as he walked off those last morbid*** hours

That creeped in his wake and followed him back
To that place where time was always a lack
They sat in a pew and shared one last bite
Of unleaven bread, sipped their wine, bade good night.

*considering substiting with "and a devil's" or "and a demon's" (I do really like the word "perditious," though)   
**originally I had "like the meaningless life," but that was when I had a different plotline (for lack of a better word); however I think it may fit in context, so...
***considering substituting with "precious" for irony, however I realize that most won't realize what I'm trying to say anyways, so I may just leave "morbid"

Rob

  • New improved. Now with added something...
  • Jackass In Charge
  • Posts: 5959
  • Karma: +86/-149
  • Approaching 60 from the wrong damn direction...
Re: Attempted song lyrics...
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2006, 10:43:07 AM »
>>To that place where time was always a lack

That line grates, for some reason. I think it's because it looks forced.

>>*considering substiting with "and a devil's" or "and a demon's"

To me, that scans better.

I prefer precious too, but I like irony.

Other than that, looks good to me.