Author Topic: So, this is love?  (Read 2700 times)

[stealth]

  • the original
  • Jackass V
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So, this is love?
« on: September 25, 2005, 01:10:04 AM »
I never thought that the colour of your eyes
could haunt me like a ghost
in an endless, sleepless
night.

I never knew the sound of your voice
carried with it a burden
that I bear with each
step.

And I never understood, really,
what they meant by that
godwaful clichéd truth,

"If you love her set her free"

So - this is love?

Well, you cursed me with this jinx
and I cursed your likewise,
and now it's almost like
I'm dead.

Twice.
...

Jake

  • Jackass In Charge
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So, this is love?
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2005, 01:21:09 AM »
cool man. I enjoyed everything starting with the third stanza. It flows much nicer than the first two. Well, maybe its just the second stanza I don't like; it doesn't flow when I read it :( I think it has too many heavy words (pronounciation wise): carried, burden, bear.  Maybe you can "soften" them up a bit?
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.