EntropySink
Entertainment & Artistry => Words => Topic started by: aran on May 04, 2005, 04:35:33 AM
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The Color of Falling
you are a dirty hope--
a brick against the ocean
trying to float
but the little pockets of air within
can't possibly hold
so you sink, like a dirty thing.
you are shunned and disliked
because you aren't what they want;
you aren't what they're looking for.
They want a murder and you're just an assault.
Do you want to further entomb yourself by faking it?
Push. Push hard. Push forever.
Don't forget that forever is not a dream--
it's not even anything. You are all you have
so you might as well sick the dogs on yourself
and mangle your nearly lifeless corpse
a little bit closer to unrecognizability.
Once you've fallen so far,
you can only rise.
When you will rise,
you will rise a monument.
My monument.
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Cool ideas here Aran! the poem read outloud is a bit "cluncky" and akward. Lines like this one: >>so you sink, like a dirty thing.<< are quite harsh, like you were having a hard time coming up with something better, but couldn't so left this as is. We all do it, I know, but it would be better for the whole effect if it was masterfully redone :p
But, aran, could you tell me if you feel that your poem is universal? and if so, what message are you trying to convey? I've read the poem several times, and can't find a clear train of thought - or even an unclear one; this leads to the conclusion that the poem is quite personal, and fully understood just by you, but I might be wrong :p
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This poem is very sarcastic.
The idea is that if you fuck your life up, you might as well ruin it beyond all recognition so people won't bother you anymore.
The end alludes to one of my friends who is really up a creek without a paddle in her life and how i'd like to help her.