EntropySink

Entertainment & Artistry => Words => Topic started by: [stealth] on September 25, 2005, 01:10:04 AM

Title: So, this is love?
Post by: [stealth] on September 25, 2005, 01:10:04 AM

I never thought that the colour of your eyes
could haunt me like a ghost
in an endless, sleepless
night.

I never knew the sound of your voice
carried with it a burden
that I bear with each
step.

And I never understood, really,
what they meant by that
godwaful clichéd truth,

"If you love her set her free"

So - this is love?

Well, you cursed me with this jinx
and I cursed your likewise,
and now it's almost like
I'm dead.

Twice.

Title: So, this is love?
Post by: Jake on October 01, 2005, 01:21:09 AM

cool man. I enjoyed everything starting with the third stanza. It flows much nicer than the first two. Well, maybe its just the second stanza I don't like; it doesn't flow when I read it :( I think it has too many heavy words (pronounciation wise): carried, burden, bear.  Maybe you can "soften" them up a bit?