Its the thought, but not action, of standing on a ledge and thinking, "what if I jumped"
I used to think I was a crazy; I've had this recurring thought my whole life but apparently its a real thing that most everyone experiences. I remember being a kid, living in Rhode Island, walking on the shore line cliffs of Jamestown thinking, "I'm right here on the edge of a rock that drops into the ocean. There's nothing stopping me from taking one more step into the unknown" Or waiting for a train, behind that yellow line and thinking, what if I just took one more step at the last second? Sometimes I'm driving and think, I could just swerve off this bridge right now.
Obviously I don't. Or at least, I haven't.
Its a scary thought, but doing some research, it seems its healthy physiological reaction to danger. It's an intrusive thought your brain has as it accesses dangers.
But there's this song by Astrid S, an artist who I coincidentally have an absolute crush on, called "Jump" (
listen to it NOW!) and the lyrics got me thinking about this topic and researching it.
If I fell with no one around
Would it even make a sound?
'Cause I can't even make one now
And I get these thoughts in my head
But I wouldn't do it anyway
Or at least that's what I say
'Til I'm right on the edge
I take a look at the bottom
And I know it will hurt hitting ground
But I don't think that I'd mind the falling
Would anyone know?
Is there anyone watching?
I'm getting crazy ideas in my head
And I don't think I'm able to stop them
A lot of people think the song is about suicide, which I assumed as well (because it clearly is) but in interviews she's says its about making a daring decision and just "going for it"... but that brings up an interesting twist on the concept of L'appel du vide. There seems to be a fine line between normal psychological thoughts of "what if" and actual suicidal ideation. I mean for every group of people who think "I could jump of this bridge right now" there is a subset of those who actually do.
So where is the line between healthy evolutionary fear, passive ideation and active thoughts of self harm. I find it a fascinating topic.
Thoughts?
edit: also i've had a few drinks tonight so remind me later to take out that part about my crush on astrid s.