Author Topic: women poets (and a poem)  (Read 2566 times)

Jake

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women poets (and a poem)
« on: April 11, 2005, 01:23:17 PM »
Most of my artsy-fartsy friends are male...and the women, usually are painters, or musicians - almost no writers.

I've been working with this girl for sometime, and recently I found out some of her passions - and one indeed is to be a writer. I asked her to show me some of her texts, and at first she was a bit hesitant, but finally, yesterday, she dropped about 50 pieces on me. Many are quite personal, so I'm sharing two, pretty neutral ones, with you.

Her writing is so pure, and so genuine. There is real[/i] emotion in it, and lust is not disguised as anything else. Authenticity is the key....all the poems reflect her personality like a mirror. I'm really thankfull she shared them with me - it gives me some perspective.

-----
She was a Believer

She was a believer
For a short time she was a believer
Then she was a whore


He said he would call
Yeah they all say that after they get something they want
She knew it was a lie
This boy, this man child, this liar
Made a promise
Donít make a promise you canít keep
Thatís is what she told him
He had shown her a glimpse
Of what could have been

To much belief chased away the dream
She cries at night
Soaking whatís left of a dream
With a salty hope

Not the first time one of his kind has crushed her


-----
take my wish to the heavens

flutter around in the shallow sky
tease me with  your colorful beauty

a single ray  of sunshine catches sight of perfection
for only and instant
yet lingering just long enough
flaunting a picturesque frame in nature

effortless existences encircle me
i quietly sit   watching   waiting
to be graced by faint butterfly kisses

attracted by a milky weed   you gather
by the hundreds   
surrounding a tortured soul
bringing light
a smile creeps across my face
chasing away black clouds

granting me with a gift   a touch
the weightless feel of elegance     captured

gently cupped in my hands
a great power is trapped
in a small darkness

bringing my lips closer to whisper
my wish         my hope       my dream

your silence will forever bear this secret to the universe
now granted with your freedom            fly far away      
to deliver this unheard obsession to be happy

speak softly to the great spirit
who might allow me this pleasure
please      take my wish to the heavens
« Last Edit: April 12, 2005, 09:51:32 PM by axon »
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ken Fitlike

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2005, 09:39:14 PM »
The first is truly awful: a boring cliche of bitterness.

The second is a bit more interesting, good creative wordplay and has enough going for it that I might come back and read it when I'm not so tired. :)

Next time get her to sign up as a regular esinker so she can post her own stuff. :p ;)
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?.

Jake

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2005, 09:50:40 PM »
I agree, the theme is clicke, but there are some things that are quite good me thinks. One is this:
Quote

Soaking whatís left of a dream
With a salty hope

 :eek:

and the hard hitting contrast:
Quote

For a short time she was a believer
Then she was a whore


I'm not sure why I like the poem as a whole...maybe it is because it is so cliche, and I'm simply not used to reading things like that :dunno:

edit:: also, there is this stream of conciusness piece she shared with me. Usually I hate the style.....but this I read straight through - twice! There is also a poem entitled "French Adventure" - boy o'boy, it is lustfull, but she knows it, and is proud of it - no regrets. I do have to ask her permission to post it though.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2005, 09:53:16 PM by axon »
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

-KEN-

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2005, 09:52:52 PM »
I'm with Fitlike. The only part of the first one that I minutely liked was

"Soaking what’s left of a dream
With a salty hope"

The second one was fairly good, however. I was impressed with it, especially after that first one.

Jake

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2005, 10:14:05 PM »
Ah god damnit! -Ken- set me straight (no pun  intended :) )  Her poetry is mediocre at best. But I guess there is some emotional attachment between me and her, and that is why her writing makes more of an impact on me. After looking at it objectively, I realize, that her poetry is not universal...there is no deeper layers above the superficial surface.

What is it about women anyhow? god damnit. Oh hell, I'll fall in love anyways :p
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

jkim

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2005, 06:45:27 AM »
Damn straight. :D


Oh, and I agree with them too.
definitely bas

[stealth]

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women poets (and a poem)
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2005, 07:11:23 AM »
I like the first poem because it's blunt and it's hard to tell whether its bad on purpose or just plain bad.  The best things are often borderline shit/good and I can't make up my mind, so in my own (non)logic I'm going to go out on a limb and say thumbs up.  

The second is a wanky load of shit that is about an experience she's never had or wants.
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